by Dani Shapiro, 2019, Knopf

The subject of this book is the author’s discovery, via a DNA test, that the person she thought was her father was not, in fact, her biological father. Through research she finds her real biological father who, it turns out, is a sperm donor, and that she was conceived through artificial insemination. This discovery creates a huge identity crisis for her as she was brought up as an Orthodox Jew and her biological father is not Semitic.

The subject of this book is extremely interesting to me as I know individuals who have experienced similar situations (although not exactly the same). I have a distant cousin whose father is Jewish and her mother converted to Judaism. She has a family tree that is both Jewish and non-Jewish branches. I don’t know her well but it seems she is totally comfortable with her Jewish faith and heritage as well as that of her non-Jewish relatives. I suspect that some of Dani Shapiro’s identity crisis stems from the fact that she is no longer practicing her Jewish faith, but her upbringing is strongly embedded in the traditions of that faith and culture. I plan to contact my distant cousin to see if she has any insights regarding this book and the fact that she stems from both traditions but doesn’t seem to have the same problems reconciling the two cultures. It’s obviously not the same situation, but there may be something to glean from my relation.

I have a first cousin who is not a blood relative, but is adopted. She recently discovered her biological parents through an Ancestry.com DNA test. She, like Dani Shapiro, has begun to establish a relationship with her biological family and, for the most part, it seems like a rewarding effort. I will also check in with her to see if she has read the book and can offer any insights.

Lastly, I know another person who discovered that she is the result of a relationship that her mother had with another man and that she is not the offspring of the man she thought was her father. She has expressed the same shock and feelings as the author felt upon making the discovery. Unlike Dani Shapiro, however, she has not revealed this information to her biological relatives nor has she attempted to contact them. She has also experienced some of the same feelings of not belonging to her family while growing up as well as feeling that her whole life was a lie.

While all three of the above situations are not exactly like the author’s situation, the book provided a lot of context to what an individual might feel going through this discovery. In an age of DNA technology that was never anticipated by previous generations, there are more and more similar situations that are occurring and will likely occur in the future.

I thought the book was well written, although it was very repetitious as the author came back over and over again to the same theme … primarily her struggle to determine her identity and the emotional toil it was taking. Some of her problem, I think, was her difficulty in coming to terms with her Jewishness. She was raised in this culture with a strong relationship to her Orthodox Jewish non-biological father. Her biological mother was also Jewish. Acceptance of her Jewish faith and heritage (despite having a non-Jewish biological father) would, I feel, go a long way in helping her resolve her identity.